Soap is not a condiment
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
