The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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