I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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