i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
