just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We left the knife in your bed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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