my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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