Umm I'm too high to move.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize