I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
