Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
