Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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