Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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