goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
