I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
