Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
