highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
