You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
