I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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