Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
