He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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