I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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