her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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