i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize