I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
