Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize