I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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