I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
