I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
