I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
