Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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