I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
