There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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