im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
