I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
