i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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