Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
