Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
