If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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