Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
