haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
