the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
