if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
