Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
