i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
