Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
