I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
