I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
