i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
