Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
