Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
