my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
