i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
