I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
