She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
operation have a gay friend backfired
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
