I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
