I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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