apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sober January is a disaster.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
