even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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