I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your penis caused this!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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