my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
