My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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