I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
