found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
