i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
