i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
