You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
